Today we’re going to learn about 17 manipulation tactics to watch out for now let’s begin
- Spatial Power
Manipulators draw power from their environment. Just think about your bedroom for example, no one knows your room better than you do. It’s familiar, it’s comfortable, and everything in that room belongs to you. There’s no surprises or risks because that space is yours.
Now what about someone else’s room, in this foreign space, you’re a fish out of water. Your environment is unfamiliar and uncomfortable which sabotages your confidence. That’s why manipulators insist on using their own space. So, every time you see each other you meet at their house; every place you go you take their car.
An experienced manipulator controls their environment and that way they’re always in a position of power.
- Strategic Withholding
Manipulators hide important information they pick and choose the right details to sway your opinion and that gives them control of the playing field. Manipulative people will try to justify this deceptive behaviour. They might say I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true but that’s a tactic too strategically.
Withholding information is no better than lying through your teeth so if there’s a manipulative person in your life pay attention to what they say and what they don’t
- Intellectual Burying
Many manipulative people are intellectual bullies in every argument. They press their advantage by burying you under mountains of information. This creates confusion and pressure which impacts your ability to defend yourself
If someone wants to help you, they’ll make their intentions clear. They won’t confuse you with jargon references and some complex ideas. They’ll explain themselves clearly and concisely because they want you to understand
A bully on the other hand creates an excess of uncertainty. They take advantage of your confusion to push their own agenda. So, if you’re ever put in this position don’t be afraid to walk away. You can always step back do some research and then come to your own conclusion
- Aggressive Intimidation
Fear is a powerful manipulative tool when something scares us. We make impulsive decisions, we lead with our emotions, and we let fear get the best of us. But that’s exactly what a manipulative person wants
Manipulative people create fear with powerful vocal and physical cues. They yell, they make threats and they invade your personal space to make you feel afraid and that fear gives them power and control.
So, when you’re struggling with a manipulative person there’s one strategy that works almost every single time. If someone is taking advantage of you, create distance and remove yourself from their space. Don’t play their games, don’t listen to their arguments and don’t feel bad for them. Manipulative people have dozens of tricks to control and coerce. You so create distance and set yourself free
- Disrespecting Resources
Manipulative people don’t value your resources in their minds. Your time and your money are expendable. They’ll happily spend your cash to get something they want just like they’ll sacrifice your day to make their lives a little easier. This tactic is a mainstay.
In toxic friendships, maybe your friend forgets their wallet every time you go to dinner. Somehow you get stuck footing every bill. Your friend might say ‘oh I’m sorry, I’m just really forgetful’. But here’s the real problem, your friend doesn’t respect your resources because they don’t respect you
- Bargaining With Guilt
Manipulative friends use guilt as a bargaining chip. Alright let’s say your friend needs a favour, you’re busy that day so you say no. A good friend would respect your decision. They understand that you have a life of your own but a manipulative friend won’t take no for an answer. They expect you to make sacrifices any time they need you. So they use their friendship to create guilt
They might say ‘I thought we were friends, friends help each other don’t they?’ comments like these pull on your heart strings but you have to stand your ground. If you make sacrifices for a manipulative person they’ll take advantage of you any time they can
- Emotional Blackmailing
Manipulative people don’t value the secrets that you share with them. They see your secrets as tools that they can use to push their agenda. Whenever they want something from you they’ll hold those secrets over your head. In other words, they’ll blackmail you into doing their dirty work
This brand of manipulation is easy to recognize but it’s tricky to escape. It happens in friendships and partnerships and between co-workers but emotional blackmail only works if you play their game. If you’re not scared of them, a manipulative person has no real power over you
- Personality Targeting
Some people are susceptible to manipulation while others aren’t. A seasoned manipulator will target people they think they can control, people they feel a sense of superiority over. If you’re vulnerable to toxic manipulators be wary of who you trust because your personality type may be attracting the wrong kinds of people
- Coercive Surprises
Have you ever been caught off guard by a last-minute change? Manipulative people take advantage of others by changing important details at the last possible moment. Alright let’s say you’re selling your car, you find a buyer and the two of you agree on a price over the phone when you show up they offer a significantly lower number and they expect you to take it. This tactic is designed to force your hand
The manipulator wants you to make concessions. They want to catch you off guard so they bluff and deceive with last minute surprises
- The Soft Spot
Manipulative people take advantage of your vulnerabilities. If you have a controlling friend or a family member, they usually know your soft spots
They may know you’re self-conscious about your appearance, your career or something in your personal life so they target your soft spots whenever they want something from you. Just imagine your friend needs help with a project you don’t have time to help them but, in their mind, it’s my way or the highway so they hit you where it hurts. They know you’re sensitive about your career so they say you can’t be that busy, you have the easiest job in the world
Manipulative people use comments like these to get a rise out of you. You might get angry you, might feel insecure but either way the manipulator gets exactly what they’re looking for
- Twisting Your Words
Let’s say you’re frustrated with your boss. You want more responsibility at work but your boss keeps leaving you on the side-lines. One day you get so frustrated that you went to one of your co-workers, the next day your co-worker goes straight to your boss, instead of repeating your comments they decide to twist your words. Your coworker tells your boss, ‘he claims he can do your job better than you’. You know that’s not what you said or meant but the damage has already been done
So be careful what you say to manipulative people. If they ever see an opportunity, they can and will use your words against you
- Hot and Cold
One minute they’re your best friend, the next minute they’re cold as ice. Manipulative people play games with their friends and partners because their friendship is need-based. They only care about you when they need something from you
Watch out for hot and cold behaviour because these unreliable friends may be taking advantage of you
- Desperate Criticisms
Do you know someone who constantly criticizes you? Maybe they insult your appearance or attack your personality. Either way, critics use negativity to control your behaviour because a critic has only one goal and that’s to destroy your self-esteem
Manipulative people insult others for several reasons. Some critique others to make themselves feel powerful, other people lash out to compensate for their own weaknesses. Whatever the reason, don’t let a manipulative person shatter your confidence.
The less you believe in yourself the easier it is to control you
- Self Victimizing
On rare occasions a manipulative person apologizes for their actions but even when they do apologise they rarely take responsibility. Instead, they paint themselves as the victim. They may for example blame all their problems on you. They might say, ‘I wouldn’t have lied if you actually trusted me’.
Backhanded comments like these are desperate and defensive. The worst thing you can do is to buy into their victim narrative as soon as you feel sorry for them, a manipulative person takes control
- Moving the Goal Posts
Imagine your boss gives you an assignment over the weekend. You pour hours of your time into this project. You’re proud of your work but when you deliver the final product you discover your boss has changed her mind. Now she wants something completely different and she’s blaming you for missing the mark but how can you play the game if you don’t know the rules. We call this moving the goal posts
It’s a staple among manipulative people in the workplace. They ask for one thing and then they change their mind, leaving you out to dry
- Confidence in Isolation
Manipulative people thrive in isolation. They throw their weight around because isolation gives them a sense of immunity. There’s no one around to call them out on their shady tactics and that gives them the confidence to exert their power over you.
Manipulators save their tricks and tactics until you’re alone. So practice the buddy system to avoid those dangerous one-on-ones
- Rewriting History
Manipulative people will do anything to save their skin even if that means lying through their teeth. They’ll bend the truth, they’ll change the facts, and sometimes they’ll rewrite history all to make themselves look better this tactic is called gaslighting and it’s mentally exhausting you start doubting your own memory
You question your judgment and you wonder, ‘can I really trust myself?’, that’s exactly what a manipulative person wants. They want you to doubt yourself. Your uncertainty gives them control so if you think someone is gaslighting you be suspicious because rewriting history is a huge red
credit: TopThink
